I’m serious.
I know that since I’m a good, liberal gun-grabber, my readers might find this hard to believe, but I actually think they should allow guns in the state capitol — practically the only place in Tennessee where they are banned by fiat right now.
Yesterday it came up and Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey is all for it. Says Ramsey:
When asked if the move to allow gun owners to carry a weapon inside the Capitol will help ensure safety, Ramsey said, “Absolutely. It’s a proven statistic — indisputable — that if gun carry permit holders are allowed into a facility it is safer, not less safe.”
This, actually, is horseshit, but if that’s what Republicans believe, then they should live by what they are inflicting on the rest of us. Sadly, Gov. Bill Hypocrite, er I mean Haslocrite, oops I mean Haslam strongly disagrees:
“We don’t think that people should be able to bring weapons in here,” Haslam said. “This is a secure building. We’ve got metal detectors; we’ve got troopers with guns.”
Aw, what are you so scared of, Governor? You’ve signed guns-in-bars, guns-in-parks, guns-in-cars, guns everywhere except where you work? How is that fair? Safety for you but not the rest of us? If you agree that it’s “indisputable” that more licensed guns make everyone safer — and clearly you do, because you’ve signed all of these pro-gun bills into law — then why wouldn’t you practice what you preach? Why not allow guns in the state capitol?
And don’t give me that crap about there being metal detectors, so we’re fine. If metal detectors protected us, everyone would have them, amiright? Kroger, Regal Cinemas, bars on Lower Broad — shouldn’t they all have metal detectors, then?
And what about those urgent “defensible man-made and natural hazards” that state Sen. Dolores Gresham talks about in her anti-gun-free-zones legislation? I’m talking about the bill that would allow gun permit holders to sue any “gun-free” business if they’re injured or killed by anything that could have been stopped by a gun.
Metal detectors wouldn’t stop a wild boar, now would it? Well, WOULD IT?! Or what about a wolf? What if a pack of wolves escaped from the Nashville Zoo and headed straight for the state capitol. What are you gonna do then, huh? Huh?! Aren’t you so scared of a wolf attack at the state capitol that you think a gun permit holder (“sheepdog”) should be allowed to carry and protect all of us sheep? Clearly Sen. Gresham is worried about it, it’s her bill, after all (Allegedly. I’m sure she thought it up all by her ownself, without any help from gun lobbyists like racist lunatic/ALEC alumnus Larry Pratt who is trying to pass nearly identical laws across the country).
That’s the pro-gun philosophy you endorse every time you kowtow to the gun lobby. So fine, if that’s what you truly believe, don’t be such a limp noodle. Live your gun principles! Let’s see if in five years we really are so much safer!
I’m still a good, liberal gun-grabber. But here’s the thing: if you believe the bullshit lie that guns make us safer and force everyone else to live by that belief, even if we don’t want to, then don’t even try to carve out little exceptions for yourself. Let guns in the capitol and let every fidgety gun humper on the state legislature have their fun in the workplace. Knock yourselves out.
Even gun dealers know y’all think your guns are toys. So go have your fun. Shoot your eyes out, whatever.
I’ll be safe at home, streaming my movies on Netflix, avoiding the shopping mall by shopping on Amazon, Skypeing with my friends instead of going to a bar, getting my restaurant experience via home delivery and my groceries online. I may be isolated but at least I’ll be safe in my gun-free zone until the rest of you idiots come to your senses.
